For my 27th Birthday ( old bastard, me :D) two good friends of mine, Luke and his long term, hetero life partner, Gwen, bought me two rats; one pure white and one mottled brown and white. Both with fuck-off enormous testicles!

Had I ever let them out, these guys would have been immediately arrested on suspicion of stealing Cadbury’s Creme Eggs from Woolworths by the first copper to come along!!

They came in a good sized cage and were my complete pride and joy until I discovered that, in true computer programmer-style, I was bastard allegic to them!

I say ‘bastard’ allergic to them as they not only made me sneeze my lungs out for hours after having had them out and handled for but minutes, but also my head took on the appearance of a mucus-soaked sponge.

Incessantly dripping eyes and nostrils and the exhaustion of such intense sneezing would completely wipe me out for the whole day. I stopped handling the ‘boys’ and they only really recieved proper attention when Luke and Gwen came over. At this point, I found it impossible to ignore the fact that, no matter how much I liked the little bollockses, they weren’t being looked after the way they should have been and I decided that Luke and Gwen were better equipped ( i.e. weren’t fucking allergy ridden retards ) to give them the attention and care that they deserved. That was all over a year ago. Pollox has recently tripped over the edge of the world, falling to who knows where, but Castor is still going strong. Missing him, I’m sure..

Till then here’s a topical link